My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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