oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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