A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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