I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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