stop calling my apartment porn island.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
