I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
