youre lurking in front of me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
