youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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