beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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