They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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