He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
