I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
