That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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