your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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