Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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