I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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