Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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