I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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