I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
