he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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