I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
