Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
