I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
