I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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