Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
