he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
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