Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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