just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
