she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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