My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
