Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
