apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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