Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
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You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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