You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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