I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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