Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
