its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
