I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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