well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
