OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
