Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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