now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
