you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
