Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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