Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
my liver is dry heaving
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
