i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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