I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
