fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
