you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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