So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
