Heβs a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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