He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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