The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
