someone threw a dead crab at me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
