your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
