sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
