she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
birth control should be required to get into college
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am naked and annoyed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
