Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
