Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
