I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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