you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
