My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
