a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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